Writing My First Memoir and Embracing Vulnerability

As I reflect on my publishing journey, I've come to realize that embracing vulnerability has been a transformative process—one that has not only shaped my writing but also enriched my life in unexpected ways.

Photo by Amelia Bartlett on Unsplash

One afternoon at the Oregon coast, my husband and I decided to hike a trail we had never explored before. We set out on an eager pace, knowing that the summit promised an amazing view of the ocean vista. However, we underestimated how long and difficult the trail would be, as we stumbled over loose rocks and lost our breaths over steep terrain, with no idea how much farther we had to go. Soon, we encountered another hiker cheerfully making his way down the hill, who offered what he likely thought was an encouraging quip:

“You’re halfway there!”

His words weren’t so comforting when I was already exhausted and perspiring in the heat at that point.

My husband glanced over at me and asked, “Do you want to keep going or head back?”

I thought about it for a second and said, “It depends…will turning around make us quitters?”

“Yes,” he replied with a laugh.

“Then let’s keep going,” I said. No way was I going to be labeled a quitter and give up, when we had already come so far.

Today, I fondly recall that memory following the publication of my first book, reflecting on the uphill climb of the last eight years it took to complete. Writing a memoir has been, by far, the most challenging and daunting task I’ve ever undertaken. Simply recounting life experiences isn’t enough; to create a compelling story, you must incorporate writing elements such as an outline, character development, narrative arc, sensory and visual language, and, if needed, research. Writing the first chapter is challenging enough, but it is just the beginning of countless drafts, edits, moments of writer’s block and imposter syndrome, frustration, and tears. As a first-time author navigating the unfamiliar terrain of the publishing world, I often felt overwhelmed and unsure of what to do next: should I try to find a publisher or should I self-publish? I wrote a book and now I have to hire an editor? What the heck is an ISBN number? I stumbled many times and made mistakes along the way, but the experience has taught me so much and pushed me to hone my craft.

Aside from the discipline and commitment required to finish and publish a book, it has been an incredibly emotional journey, one that has challenged me to grow outside my comfort zone and embrace vulnerability. I always had a push-pull of emotions about sharing my deeply personal story with the world, which frequently led me to procrastinate or seek distractions from writing. As someone who has always been private about my past and personal life, the thought of being vulnerable has been absolutely terrifying. I often questioned whether I could even finish, particularly when it came to detailing my most traumatic experiences, causing me to confront and relive the same pain and emotions. I’ve had many restless nights and shed countless tears, compounded by my fears of criticism and judgement from the public.

However, similar to the hiker who offered words of encouragement on the trail that day, a persistent voice in my mind reminded me that I was almost there, and of my purpose in writing to begin with—to provide hope and support to other adoptees. Despite my doubts, I knew the only way I could write my story and connect with readers on a deeper level was to be 100% authentic. My intent has always been to provide a perspective that doesn’t portray the adoptee experience as a happily-ever-after story, but rather offers a raw, candid insight into our struggles. Throughout the process, I’ve learned that embracing vulnerability has been incredibly liberating and healing. Overcoming fear also requires action. It took me months to even begin writing my most difficult chapters, but once I took that first step, the words began to flow onto the page, gradually replacing my dread with a sense of empowerment.

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” -Brené Brown

In the end, writing a memoir is more than just putting words on paper. It takes determination, resilience, and a dash of courage. Embracing vulnerability is the key to our personal and creative growth, enabling us to connect with each other on a deeply human level not only through writing but in our relationships, careers, and purposes in life. When we allow our authentic, imperfect selves to be seen, we are liberated from our shame and fear, and we give others hope and courage to do the same.

Now when I reflect on my writing journey, I feel extremely proud of myself for continuing to keep one foot in front of the other when it would have been easier to turn right back around. As we continued on the trail that day, my husband kept assuring me that “the view will be worth it”—and he was right. When we finally reached the crest of the hill, we were rewarded with breathtaking, panoramic views of the azure blue ocean, coastal town, and rugged mountains stretching as far as the eye could see. The physical exertion it took to get there faded away, leaving only feelings of triumph and gratitude in its wake.

The view from the trail summit. Photo credit: M. Rosales

Leave a comment or ask a question below! If you would like to be notified of future blog posts, don't forget to Subscribe.

#vulnerability #memoir #crossingthecherryblossomsea #writing #adopteevoices #adopteestories #adoptee #adoption