Finding Connection: My Weekend at the BIPOC Adoptees VOICES Conference

A couple weekends ago, I participated in my very first event as an author, tabling at the first annual BIPOC Adoptees VOICES Conference. During the three-day event, over 300 adoptees from all over the country listened to keynotes and attended mini group sessions based on various topics related to the adoptee experience. The event was organized by BIPOC Adoptees, an advocacy and support organization based in Portland, Oregon. It was my first adoptee-centered event since coming out of the fog nine years ago and publishing my memoir earlier this year. I was excited to meet fellow adoptees and spread awareness about my book, but by the end of the weekend, I gained much more from the event than I could have ever anticipated.

The conference was held at my alma mater, Portland State University, located in downtown Portland. On that Friday, I arrived for early check-in to set up my table and books among the artists, adoptee organizations, and small businesses who were also tabling at the event. As I read the room, I felt as if I were back on my first day of school, where groups were already formed and most of the volunteers and attendees seemed to already know each other. There was a strong sense of community among them, and I admit it brought back feelings I often had growing up and hadn't experienced in a long time—a sense of not being connected enough to my Korean roots or American identity, but hovering somewhere in between. However, I tried to shake that feeling off and just be myself, greeting the few people and organizers I recognized, and everyone was friendly and welcoming.

The check-in table at the university lobby entrance.

Every detail of the conference was carefully considered for adoptees.

In the next two days, between tabling and selling some books, I attentively listened to various keynotes presented by adoptee speakers with titles such as Until We All Are Free: Personal & Collective Liberation, Genealogy of Adoption + Why Shared Histories Matter, and Living with Post Traumatic Saved Disorder, among others. Throughout the weekend, attendees could choose to attend any of the various group sessions between the keynotes, and it seemed no topic was left uncovered. There was a group session about same-race adoption for Black adoptees, separate support groups for adoptee parents, sexual violence and abuse survivors, domestic adoptees and adoptee men, and even sessions for meditation and healing practices. Although I didn't attend all of them, I was impressed with the range of relevant topics tailored to adoptees, but mostly inspired by a community obviously traumatized and in search of healing, having the courage to be there and willing to learn and grow. There were times when I could sense anger and the need for validation, but overall, the energy in the spaces was mostly filled with empathy, enthusiasm, and hope.

A dose of serotonin—my pup visiting me during my lunch break on the second day of the conference.

Safe. Seen. Heard.

Meeting and listening to other adoptees open up about their own experiences gave me more conviction than ever that, as difficult as it is to confront and share our traumas, it can also be incredibly empowering and healing to know there are others who see, hear, and validate you. I also realized that sometimes a significant step toward growth is simply being brave enough to show up; that healing is much like grieving the loss of a loved one—it may never come to a conclusion, but we can learn how to navigate through the grief; and that those who have experienced some of the most traumatic and painful experiences are often the most compassionate to others. By the end of the weekend, I was physically and emotionally drained, but the feeling of not knowing whether I belonged dissipated, and I knew I was exactly where I was meant to be.

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